Yet another transition looms
An unexpected comment from a friend yields a surprising emotional response
Hello, friends. It’s great to have the opportunity to share an update from the wild after four months of silence in this forum. I’ve been feeling like writing lately but until today hadn’t really landed on a topic on which I felt like writing.
I’m presently midway through a visit to central NY state visiting a family member recovering from surgery. This isn’t my first of these trips, and I’ve developed a bit of a routine spending time in the area where I spent my formative years - and where I met my great friend and Two Sides of FI YouTube partner, Eric. Such visits always include reconnecting with friends who still live in the area, and I enjoy the meals, drinks, and conversations we share each time. Admittedly, I’ve always been rather nostalgic, and so it always feels good to revisit important people from throughout my life.
A few days ago, I had dinner with a couple of my closest friends from the High School years, one of whom I’ve continued to stay in contact with over the years. Over the meal, I shared that my last family in the area was planning on moving to California this summer. When I spoke it, this seemed like just an ordinary update that one would share with friends as you catch up on life. However, the response I received after a few moments pause was unexpectedly disarming: "So I guess this means you won’t be visiting here anymore in the future?” My heart sank. I hadn’t anticipated that at all, despite it being an obvious outcome of the forthcoming move.
I realized that yet another chapter in my life was going to close, and I was now forced to confront that. I had a deadline to see the people I wanted to see and try to cram additional visits in with those most important before the move happened. The countdown began that night, and it’s now no more than a few months until I will rarely, if ever see some of these people again. At the very least, I won’t have a convenient means to see them. It would require specific travel on either side of the equation to make it happen. But would it? Life has a habit of getting in the way sometimes.
After the initial shock set in, I started to think about the other transitions in life I’ve experienced. In essence, this will be no different than the very real and permanent changes that come with retirement at any age, early or otherwise. As many other retirees have confirmed to me, the relationships we have with most of our former colleagues change as soon as you walk out the door at your job for the last time. The texts cease, the shared struggles and victories disappear, and only those few true friends stay in touch. This is absolutely what I experienced, and is something with which I struggled the first few years after leaving my last job. I’ve come a long way over the nearly six years since retiring, and I now fully understand and accept this reality. But that took time.
After a few more days of reflection, I wonder if my initial reaction to my friend’s comment was that I’m essentially leaving the last shreds of “childhood” behind? That seems like an odd concept for someone over 50, I freely admit. But maybe the door closing on the place where I largely grew up, with its many familiar sights, experiences, and people, resonates that much differently than other transitions? Make no mistake - I have no love for this area. I have plenty of difficult memories about my school years, as many of us do. It’s a lovely area (with great fishing!) and I made some of the best friends of my life here, but it’s not really “my kind of town”. It’s quite rural, lacks access to much which I treasure, and the list goes on.
What I do love about this place is that there are still a few people here, friends I made 40 years ago, with whom I can readily and effortlessly reconnect. As I remarked to one such person earlier today, it’s amazing how facilely you can just drop right into meaningful conversations with friends from “the old days” - as if you’d never lived apart for many years, only occasionally sharing the same space. I am a firm believer in extra-corporeal consciousness. Perhaps this is just another manifestation of the shared consciousness that truly good friends experience? I certainly don’t claim to know the answer to that. But it’s one very reasonable hypothesis in my mind.
I truly appreciate my friend pointing out the reality of things for me. I’m actually grateful that this realization occurred sooner rather than later. I welcome this reality which has reframed the way I’m thinking about the conversations I want to have while I’m here during this visit, as well as the next - likely when the big move to the Golden State is upon us. It reminds me of my favorite truth: All we have is now.
If you followed my Camino Portugués journey, you may recall my reflections on this point. I know it came up in my “what I learned on my Camino” post. And if you haven’t read Eckhart Tolle’s 1999 bestseller, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, I highly recommend it. I appreciate whenever I have forced back into the moment, and having good cause to actively reflect on what I’m feeling and the conversations I’m having at that time. The past is no longer relevant and the future is not promised in any way. It is incumbent upon us to live in the moment we are fortunate enough to experience, and create the meaning in it that we wish it to have.
Merely writing these words here has brought me comfort and happiness. Deciding to tackle this topic ensured that I would give it the active thought it deserved, and for that I am grateful. As always, I thank you for being with me on this journey. I treasure this time we “spend together”, and I appreciate your support. Be well, live fully, and I wish you all the very best in all things. Mahalo 🙏